I just got back from a restaurant where I met up with four Christian women. Our conversation quickly turned to our husbands. It was tough to listen at times. Heartbreaking, really.
His alcoholism that lead to the divorce.
The emotional abuse that has her wondering how long she should stay.
His negativism and nitpicking that keeps her down.
This post is not about how women are never at fault for a crumbling marriage or to vilify men. I don’t want to debate whether or not Christians should be getting divorced.
This post is me trying to figure out why my girlfriends are suffering, and not at the hand of a nameless stranger or evil bad guy one would find lurking in a dark alley.
The pain comes from their Christian husband.
When I sit at a restaurant table and listen to these women – my sisters – my heart aches.
Then comes the anger.
Do you have friends suffering in their marriage?
How can we help them?
All is well. I think.
Last night I had a chance to talk with my lovely friend. No, I didn’t’ have to drive up to her place to track her down like I thought I would have to do. Found her at our Wednesday church night.
I can’t remember the last time I was so excited to see anyone. It’s been ages since she’s been out to church during the week.
We talked. The first words out of my mouth: I love you. And I didn’t have to say any of the things I rehearsed in my head because she beat me to it. So no heated conversation, no denial, no anger. All tears happy ones.
This whole situation could have gotten ugly fast so I feel like I dodged a relationship-killing bullet with such a good outcome. But keep praying if you think of her. I know I will be. She knows she can’t drink, wants to stop this mistake before it turns into a mountain, yet the stresses remain in her life. I told her to call me or just show up at my house anytime, for whatever reason. She’s a grown up and I can’t put her in a time out, right?
She’s okay, but needs more healing and strength.
Thanks to everyone who offered advice.
And she shouldn’t be. She can’t.
Alcohol is her Kyptonite and she’s going to self destruct. Her marriage, her kids, homeschooling. Her faith. It can’t stand up to this burden. Already she is slipping away from me. Won’t call. Won’t message back on Facebook. Church attendance? Near zilch.
I’m part mad, part crushed. I love her. I want her to walk in victory, florish in her mothering, walk with Him, enjoying all the gifts she has to offer our community.
And you know what? I’m tired of watching people I care about – those believers I count on being there – fade away, overcome by the trappings of the world, falling prey to the wolves seeking to devour.
What should I do?
Does anyone have any advice for me? Should I confront her? Let her family handle it. Just let her go it alone.
Please don’t tell me to pray. I am praying. Like I said, I’m tired of watching friends self destruct.
Had an interesting conversation with a grandmother in McDonald’s today.
She’s helping raise her two granddaughters, and for the sake of their privacy, I won’t divulge more information. I will tell you that the mother is in rehab, her son is around, but apparently he needs help with two lively young children – understandably. Thank God he has a mother willing and able to help.
We got to talking about homeschooling. How it works, what it is and isn’t. Eventually landing on the topic of her grandchildren and their absent mother.
Unfortunately, I’ve heard her story before. Emotionally and physically absent mother due to drugs.
For all involved.
Especially those children.
Mothers, there is probably nothing I could say that would motive you to give up your addiction. I mean, it’s a real problem. I feel for you. I don’t mean to stand in judgment, but still. . .
You are picking a drug/s over your child.